Dear Donna, 

I have a confession to make. When you asked, at lunch today, whether I had any other children, I said no. I said just my daughter. You probably don’t even remember the moment (LOL) but it was a monumental one for me. And to me, I failed it. 

I have a son. He died two years ago, just about to turn 24. Tom was a graduate of art school and a gifted artist. It was tragic, unexpected, accidental. It feels like yesterday. Two years sounds like enough time, but it’s as fresh a wound as it ever was. 

Please don’t feel bad, if you were planning to! Your question was not the first time I’d been asked it, but it was definitely the first time with many expectant eyes on me. In a millisecond I panicked and a zillion possible answers skidded through my brain while I felt everyone looking at me — some who know the answer and wondering what I’d say.  

My immediate inclination was to avoid the real answer because it would have changed the mood and the trajectory of the conversations we were all having. So I spared everyone, and ultimately broke my own heart. I think it came out seamlessly (didn’t it?) but I was instantly disassociated. I regret not saying, “Yes, I have a son, but he died two years ago.”   

Anyway, I wanted to share that because it’s the truth and I needed to say the right thing and unbreak my heart.  See my kids in the photo attached.